


From our Love

by bigleosis



Series: From our Love [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 1800's fashion, Angst, Aziraphale Has a Vulva (Good Omens), Aziraphale in 18th century dress, Crowley is smitten, Don't Like Don't Read, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, F/M, Female Presenting Aziraphale, Idiots in Love, Lemon, Love-Making, M/M, Other, PTSD Crowley, Scared Aziraphale, Secret Relationship, Sex, She/Her pronouns for Aziraphale, Smut, They/Them pronouns for Aziraphale, angst with happy ending, caring Aziraphale, fem!aziraphale, getting married, hurt/angst, non-binary Aziraphale, sparkling pornography, talking about pregnancy, talks about the future
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:27:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22740973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigleosis/pseuds/bigleosis
Summary: Many thanks to my wonderful partner in crimeLowez_who agreed to work with me on this story & making the wonderful art for it. If you haven't seen her littlecomicyet, hop over to Instagram and check it out!!!And also to my wonderful betaImpishTubista HUGE Thank you! She's done such a great job & is a very very talented author herself! Please go and check out her stories!Please read the tags! I'll tag along with every chapter!And give special warnings about things at the beginning of every chapter if needed!Note: The fashion and inspiration for this chapter came fromNK18th century AU! We love and adore their art for it!
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: From our Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1631440
Comments: 10
Kudos: 54
Collections: Ready to read - teabaq





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my wonderful partner in crime [Lowez_](https://www.instagram.com/lowez_/) who agreed to work with me on this story & making the wonderful art for it. If you haven't seen her little [comic](https://www.instagram.com/p/B8kGGO3lM30/) yet, hop over to Instagram and check it out!!!
> 
> And also to my wonderful beta [ImpishTubist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpishTubist) a HUGE Thank you! She's done such a great job & is a very very talented author herself! Please go and check out her stories!
> 
> Please read the tags! I'll tag along with every chapter!  
> And give special warnings about things at the beginning of every chapter if needed!
> 
> Note: The fashion and inspiration for this chapter came from [NK](https://www.instagram.com/asperank/) 18th century AU! We love and adore their art for it!

art by [Lowe](https://www.instagram.com/lowez_/) | story by [bigleosis](https://www.instagram.com/bigleosis/)

**Prologue**

It had been raining all day.   
Aziraphale pushed away the curtain from the front window at the bookshop to cast a glance outside. The streets were wet from the constant drizzle and most people hid beneath umbrellas. Women had their arms inclined with a friend or their significant other, laughing, chatting, minding their own business, while Aziraphale tried to hide her feelings.  
The weather matched her mood perfectly today. Aziraphale hadn’t been this brooding and anxious for a very long time. And it was getting worse with every minute that passed.  
It was the first time this century that Crowley and she had arranged a private meeting. Of course they’d met for dinner or an evening at the theatre, but not for their private amusement. Aziraphale had been too afraid after they nearly had been discovered after the incident at the Bastille.

Nearly thirty years had passed since that day, and even though Aziraphale was still filled with fear, she couldn’t stay away from Crowley one more day. Carefully she had started to arrange the meeting: booking a room in one of the cheapest accommodations on Fleet Street she was able to find, arranged for clean sheets and a proper cleaning of said room. She had called for a carriage this morning that would drive her to the address.  
Aziraphale was dressed in one of her favorite dresses: silk of a soft ivory color, covered with flowers and vines, the trimming a delicate pink. And even when it screamed of her being wealthy, she wanted to look as pretty for Crowley as possible.   
The demon had accepted her invitation the second he had heard it. Her heart had done very strange things and Aziraphale had blushed deeply. Crowley had chuckled, taken her hand and placed a kiss on the back of it.   
She still felt hot when she thought about it. They had agreed on not using magic today to keep their head offices off their tracks. Aziraphale wanted to be as safe as it was possible, when she would finally be able to spend the night with Crowley, and she had not wanted to think about their bosses the whole time and what they would do to them if they were discovered.  
It was something she didn’t want to bother herself with now.

She bustled back to her office where her jacket and a small basket filled with food and wine waited to be picked up.  
It was already getting dark and the carriage would be here soon, so Aziraphale shrugged on her jacket, took the basket and walked back to the front door. It was still raining when she stepped outside and she closed the door behind herself.  
The carriage drove around the corner the moment Aziraphale pocketed the keys. The driver jumped down and took the basket from her hands.

“Evening, Miss Fell. Had a lovely day?”

Aziraphale gave him a smile. 

“Good evening, Hugo,” she greeted him. “I am just fine, thank you.”

Hugo walked her to the carriage and helped her in, giving back the basket to Aziraphale. “Where to, Miss Fell?”

Aziraphale gave her driver the address of the housing she had chosen. Hugo raised an eyebrow but he didn’t say anything. They knew each other long enough, so he knew that Aziraphale could be rather strong headed and that it was easier to do as she asked then to discuss with her. So Hugo closed the door, climbed back up his seat and after a few commands the horse started to move.  
The journey through London wasn’t bad. It was already getting dark and only a few pedestrians where still on the streets. Maybe the nasty weather did the rest. At least it had been the reason why Aziraphale had called for Hugo and his carriage, instead of walking the whole way to Fleet Street. She lifted the curtain that kept her away from prying eyes, and watched the passing scenery.

The closer they got to the house, the more excited Aziraphale got. She hadn’t seen Crowley for years now, he had wanted to lie low for the moment, wanted to bask in the feeling of their bittersweet reunion. Aziraphale smiled at the thought. It was always the same with Crowley: him being the dramatic one.   
But by now she would have been lying when she said she wouldn’t miss him just as much, and that she wanted nothing more than to be held by Crowley, to be kissed by him, to be undressed _(slowly)_ , to be placed on the bed by him, to be taken apart by Crowley. To feel his hot skin on hers, his lips leaving marks on her most secret places, where no one could see them, only them knowing that they were there.  
Aziraphale let go of the curtain, trying to stop her beating heart. She was nervous, more than she had ever been when she met with Crowley. Would he even like her in this shape, in this body? Would he like the effort she made or would he be appalled by her female appearance?   
In the past they’d been male presenting, but Aziraphale loved the dresses of this era so much, flattering her voluminous body, showing off her ample breasts and her broad hips. She had never talked about it with Crowley. What if he prefered Aziraphale in a male body? What if he had done everything wrong and Crowley would walk out on her? What if Crowley hated it?

“Miss Fell?” Hugo’s voice brought Aziraphale back to reality. He was looking through the small window in the front of the carriage. “We arrived at your destination. You sure we are at the right address?”

Aziraphale glanced outside. The house they stood in front was filthy, worn down, absolutely not very inviting, and _far off_ from Aziraphale’s standards, but it was the right house and she nodded.

“Yes, this seems to be right.”

Hugo looked grim before he closed the small window and climbed down from his seat. A short moment later the door of the carriage opened and Hugo held out his hand to help Aziraphale out. He held her hand longer than necessary.

“You sure you want to stay here, Miss? That’s not a good place for a young lady like you.”

Aziraphale’s heart melted a bit. It was so sweet of Hugo to care that much. “Oh I am fairly certain, dearest Hugo. You should not worry about me. I’ll be just fine.”

“I could stay around and wait for you …”

Aziraphale shook her head, her blond locks flying with the motion. “Thank you, that won’t be necessary. Go home to your family, Hugo. I’ll be fine.”

Aziraphale squeezed his hand before she let go of the man and walked to the building, climbing up the steps to the front door. After a last glance at Hugo, Aziraphale pushed open the door and walked into the house. The room was dimly lit and filled with smoke and the smell of cheap gin.  
Aziraphale held her basket close to her, already feeling the glances of most of the man directed at her. She approached the counter fast, waiting patiently for the man behind it to finish his last order and come to her next. When he did, he gave Aziraphale a once over, his eyes filling with lust and hunger, which made Aziraphale very uncomfortable.

She cleared her throat. 

“I - I made a reservation for a room,” she told the man. “The name is Fell, Ezra Fell.”

He gave her another stare before he yelled for one of the maidens. A young girl came over, she was barely off age and gestured for Aziraphale to follow her. Aziraphale made a few steps before she remembered something.

“I’m waiting for someone, a young gentleman. He’ll ask for me. Would you just send him up, when he arrives? His name is Mr. Crowley.”

The gruff man nodded and Aziraphale followed the girl upstairs.

“Master said to give you one of the bigger rooms. Cleaned it all myself this morning and put on fresh linens. If you need anything, just let me know,” the girl explained while they walked down a long dark corridor.

The girl stopped in front of the last door in the hallway and opened the door for Aziraphale. She brought out a key that had been hidden underneath her apron. She handed it over to Aziraphale, who raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow.

“So you can lock the door from the inside, Miss. Sometimes it’s not safe to be here all alone.”

Aziraphale accepted the key from her and gave the girl a small smile. This was really kind of her, but unnecessary. At least after Crowley would arrive. Aziraphale thanked the girl and blessed her silently, so she would be safe and happy for the next year. This was just a minor miracle that wouldn’t draw any attention of Heaven to her. To bless people, and to establish their faith in Her, was her job after all.  
Aziraphale walked into the room and closed the door behind her. She took a closer look at the room and as the maiden had said: it was freshly cleaned and there were new linens on the bed.  
The angel placed the basket on one of the stools next to the table under the window and removed the towel that she had placed over the food and wine for protection. With careful fingers she took the two glasses out of it and placed them on the table, after she had put out the towel as a makeshift table cloth. It would do just nicely.  
The wine Aziraphale had brought with her was Crowley’s favourite and she opened the bottle so it could breathe and evolve its bouquet.

A sigh left Aziraphale when she placed the basket under the table.  
Nervousness started to rise again within her. What if Crowley wouldn’t come? They hadn’t written and confirmed the date once it had been settled, and now she wasn’t sure about it anymore.  
What if had forgotten about their date? Aziraphale would understand if he didn’t show up at all. It wasn’t that important, and it was just her. He shouldn’t have to bother with her at all. Maybe it had been a stupid idea. They were enemies …  
A demon and an angel. But Aziraphale had never been more in love with anyone else, as she was with Crowley. She had been lost from the moment he had slithered up at the wall and had talked to her.

Aziraphale was lost in her own thoughts, that she didn’t hear the knock on the door. The next one was more insistent and the door opened a bit, when Aziraphale turned around.

“Yes?” she asked and her heart started to beat faster when she recognised her demon entering.

He looked dashing in his attire, all black as usual, and he was wearing his glasses as well. His eyes were cast down while closing the door after himself, and he only looked up when a breathy ‘Crowley’ left Aziraphale’s lips.  
Crowley nearly tripped over his own feet when he took in Aziraphale’s appearance.

“A - angel?” he exclaimed, his snake eyes going wide behind the dark lenses.

“You came,” Aziraphale said quietly, her folded hands resting over her heart.

Crowley removed his glasses, taking a step into Aziraphale’s direction. “Of course, Angel,” he answered. “We had a tryst after all.”

The demon walked up to Aziraphale, lying his glasses on the table, his eyes never leaving her.

“Angel, you look so …”

“Stupid, I know. I can change it if you want …”

“Don’t you dare,” Crowley declared passionately, reaching out and taking Aziraphale’s hand. “You look divine.”

Crowley now took the second hand as well, pulling them away from her body, so he could look at her completely. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, Aziraphale. Why is it that I haven’t seen you in this shape ever before?” Crowley mused. “But probably better, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you.”

He brought Aziraphale’s hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, his lips gracing her skin just so, and it made Aziraphale blush furiously. Crowley looked up at her through his lashes, and all Aziraphale wanted to do was kiss him. She pulled back her hand from Crowley’s and placed it on his cheek, moving him up so he was face to face with her.  
Aziraphale’s eyes darted to Crowley’s lips for a short moment before she locked eyes with him again. Her heart was beating so fast in her chest, and Crowley must feel it. All she wanted was to press her lips against his, feel their softness again after this long time, but she didn’t dare. Wasn’t sure if she was allowed to do so, but she let her thumb ghost over the smooth skin of Crowley’s cheek. His head moved into the touch, nuzzling her palm before he turned his head a bit more and pressed a soft kiss to her wrist.  
Another soft barely there ‘Crowley’ left Aziraphale’s lips and he turned his head to her. Aziraphale closed the small distance between them, finally kissing Crowley again for the first time after thirty years. And it was pure bliss, feeling the slow drag of Crowley’s mouth against hers, how he placed his free hand on her lower back and pulled Aziraphale flat against him. Their still intertwined fingers where trapped between their bodies, each holding onto the other.

Aziraphale was the first to break the kiss, leaning her forehead against Crowley’s, eyes closed, and simply breathing him in. His unique smell and warmth. 

“I’ve missed you,” she whispered, her breath mingling with Crowley’s, who pulled her even closer.

“Missed you too, Angel,” Crowley confessed, holding her securely against his body.

Aziraphale felt the heat radiating off of Crowley, his thumb caressing the back of the hand he was still holding. Aziraphale moved her hand from Crowley’s cheek to his neck, grounding herself with the gesture. She still felt the relief that he actually came coursing through her body. That Crowley didn’t forget about it and that he was now holding her close, shielding her from all responsibilities and reality. Giving her the chance to love him again.

“Stop worrying,” Crowley murmured, and Aziraphale could feel that he was smiling against her skin. “We are safe tonight, so don’t dwell on whatever thoughts are troubling you, Angel.”

Aziraphale nodded slightly and pulled back a bit.  
Of course Crowley was right. It would do them no good if she had this kind of thoughts tonight. It was about them, their love and, of course, about the sex as well.

“You are right, dear,” she said, smiling up at Crowley. “I brought wine with me,” she explained, letting go of Crowley and walking over to the table, lifting the bottle to show him. “It’s a Château Lafite from 1787. The one you liked so much,” Aziraphale explained, while she poured them a glass each, and handing one over to Crowley.

Crowley gave her a fond smile. “Of course you’d remember this.” 

He clinked his glass against Aziraphale’s and both of them took a sip from it. Aziraphale hummed in her throat, savouring the well balanced and silky taste on her tongue, nose filled with an intense and seductive aroma of raspberries and blackcurrant, underlined by small hints of candied liquorice and spices.

“Exquisite,” Aziraphale said before she placed her glass back on the table. Crowley nodded his agreement and took another sip before he handed his glass back to Aziraphale. The angel watched Crowley, as he took in the room, glancing around for the first time.  
When he turned back to Aziraphale, Crowley made a disgruntled noise.

“How on earth did you find this _‘establishment’_? It’s awful.”

Aziraphale rolled her eyes at him. “We wanted something safe. This is the best, I could do to keep them of our tracks.”

“How did you even get here? Did you walk the whole way from Soho to Fleet Street on your own?”

“Don’t be daft, dear. Of course not. Hugo brought me, you know him. He’s a good man. The owner - well - I guess he’s not so much of a good man. He gave me one of those looks …”

“What look, Angel?” Crowley probed.

“Oh, you know … undressing me with his eyes. Would probably have been showing up tonight at some point, if you hadn’t come. The maiden even gave me the key so I could lock my door from the inside, just in case. What are you doing?” Aziraphale asked, when she turned back to Crowley, who was walking back to the door, muttering to himself.

Was he leaving already? Did she say something wrong?

“Crowley?” She couldn’t keep the hurt out of her voice, and it stopped him in his tracks. “What are you doing?” she pressed again.

Crowley turned around, looking back at Aziraphale, his grim expression softening when he saw the insecurity in her features.

“Nothing, really. Just wanted to tell the guy what I think about him undressing my Angel with his eyes.”

Aziraphale blushed immensely at ‘my Angel’ and moved back to the table, where she had left her wine. How was it possible that Crowley always found the right words to make her feel warm inside, and oh so loved?  
Aziraphale had just wanted to fetch their glasses, when Crowley’s arms wrapped around her. She smiled as his fingers closed in front of her stomach, Crowley holding her as close as possible again.   
It still amazed her how perfectly their bodies fit together, how well her back fit against Crowley’s front, how good he looked with her legs wrapped around his waist.  
A small shiver ran through her body, which was intensified by Crowley’s lips against her neck. He only placed a soft kiss on the juncture between her shoulder and neck, over her neckerchief, but it made Aziraphale’s knees go weak nonetheless.

“I missed you, Angel,” Crowley whispered against her sensitive neck, knowing exactly what he was doing to her. “I missed our talks, our walks at St. James’s park.” Crowley pushed his face against Aziraphale’s neck. “Your smell, Angel … you smell divine. I could get drunk from it.”

With nearly every word Crowley kissed and nipped at Aziraphale’s neck, making goosebumps rise on her arms.

“Crowley,” she tried to warn him, but her voice was already shaking as well. It had been too long since she had him like that.

“No, Angel,” Crowley’s voice was deep, his breath tingling her ear. “It’s been too long. I thought I’d die if I didn’t see you soon. And when I walked in and saw you …” 

Crowley let go of Aziraphale, placed his hands on her hips, and turned her around so they could look each other in the eyes. Aziraphale’s breath caught in her throat when she saw Crowley’s golden eyes. They were filled with love and adoration, longing and the sadness they usually held, but there was also lust and hunger and want … pure want.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale tried again, placing her hand on his chest, over his heart, but Crowley shook his head, bringing her closer to him.

“No Angel. You know how this works. This is about us, not about Heaven or Hell. So stop worrying your beautiful brain, and let me take care of you. Understood?”

Aziraphale’s hand clenched around the fabric under her fingers.   
That was how it worked.   
Always.  
Crowley would worship her … her body … her soul … her whole being.  
And she would bask in that feeling, would soak it up like flowers did in spring with the first warm rays of sunshine, so it would last over the next time of separation.  
It was the one time when Crowley was allowed to show his love openly and without fear. And who was Aziraphale to deny him his deepest wishes.

“Would you help me undress then?” Aziraphale asked, pulling Crowley in by the fabric of his shirt.

“It’d be my utmost pleasure,” Crowley whispered against Aziraphale’s lips before he closed them for a passionate kiss.

She melted a bit against Crowley, as his tongue plundered her mouth. His fingers started to work on the fastenings of her jacket, shoving it down over her shoulders, and revealed the gown underneath. Aziraphale had to let go of Crowley, so he could pull the jacket off her.  
As he wanted to drop it on the floor, Aziraphale broke the kiss and looked up at Crowley with an arched eyebrow. He sighed deeply, rolling his eyes, before he took a step back to hang it over the chair, making sure it wouldn’t get rumpled. 

Aziraphale followed him, positioning her hand on his chest again, giving Crowley a coy look through her lashes. With her other hand she removed the pins that held her gown together, placing every single one carefully on the table. When all of them were gone Aziraphale turned around, her back to Crowley again, and he helped her out of the heavy fabric. She let the fichu glide down over her back, revealing her neck and bosom to Crowley, who growled behind her.  
Aziraphale gasped when Crowley pressed against her again, his mouth attacking the milky white skin of her neck, his hands gliding over her shoulders, and down her arms before he intertwined their fingers, moving them in front of Aziraphale and hugging her tightly. Crowley kissed up her neck, let his tongue trace over the sensitive spot on her neck, just below her ear, which made her shiver violently. Aziraphale moved her head to the side, so it was resting against Crowley’s shoulder, granting him better access to her neck.  
Crowley rested his temple against her cheek, nosing at her pulse point.

“I love you, Aziraphale,” he whispered into her skin, and Aziraphale closed her eyes and sighed. “Can’t even say how much I missed you, how much I’ve missed this. How much I want you, to make you mine again.”

Aziraphale moved her head, pale blue eyes meeting golden ones. “I am yours,” she said. “I have always been, will always be.” She pressed a kiss to the side of Crowley’s mouth. “Make love to me, Crowley. Show me how much you missed me.”

Crowley growled again, capturing Aziraphale’s lips in another passionate kiss, all teeth and tongue. He made short work of the petticoat she was wearing, and made an impatient sound when he saw that there was a second one underneath.   
This made Aziraphale chuckle. Yes, sometimes it was a nightmare to get dressed, but women’s clothes were so wonderful.  
Crowley shook his head before he started to kiss the back of Aziraphale’s neck, opening the strings of her corset. Aziraphale herself opened the laces on her shoulders, so it simply dropped down when Crowley was finished on the back. She made a step forward, the cord of the other petticoat already loose and Aziraphale stepped out of it as well, when it lay on the floor.

She stood there in only her shoes, stockings and shift. Aziraphale cast a glance over her shoulder, seeing the wanton look on Crowley’s face. A small smirk played around her lips as she walked over to the bed, sitting down on the blanket.  
Aziraphale bit her lower lip, as she beckoned Crowley over.

“Don’t let me wait too long, dearest,” she told him.

With a feral grumble, Crowley started to undress himself, nearly ripping of the buttons of his frock coat in the process. He was much faster undressing himself, than Aziraphale had been.  
Crowley dropped his clothes to the floor, not caring about them wrinkling or getting dusty. When he was only wearing his drawers, Crowley stalked over to Aziraphale, crowding into her personal space, placing his thigh between her legs. The demon carded his hands through her blonde locks, dishevelling them when he tilted her head back, kissing her open mouthed and roughly.

Aziraphale whined in the back of her throat, her hands finally able to touch Crowley’s warm skin. Aziraphale wrapped her hands around Crowley’s neck, letting herself fall back into the pillows, and when Crowley didn’t follow he broke the kiss.  
He looked down at her, letting his hands glide down over her face, trailing over the soft skin of her cheek, circling the lines of her lips, following the contour of her neck, stopping at her breast, moving his finger over the swell of it, cupping it in his hand, feeling the softness hidden under the thin white fabric of her shift.  
Aziraphale moaned at his soft touches, closing her eyes and letting herself go, feeling what Crowley did to her.

With his other hand Crowley slowly lifted her leg, positioning her ankle on his shoulder, and placing a soft kiss against her stocking clad shin. He opened the garter slowly, shoving the stocking down Aziraphale’s leg, pressing his mouth against every bit of smooth skin he revealed. He removed the silky fabric with her shoe and let it drop down to the floor.  
Crowley repeated it with the other leg and Aziraphale was a moaning mess when Crowley let the other shoe drop to the floor. She stretched her hands, wrapping her fingers around the ribbons of Crowley’s trousers and pulled him back over her.

“Please Crowley … please don’t make me wait any longer …” she begged. “I’ve waited for nearly thirty years.”

Crowley kissed her softly. “I know, Angel. I know. We only have to remove this.” Crowley let his hands glide under the shift, pushing it up a bit before Aziraphale’s hand over his wrist stopped him.

“You don’t have to, you know. We can leave it on, if you want too.”

Crowley stopped in his tracks, sitting back on his heels, looking at Aziraphale as if she had grown a second head. “Wha … why would you suggest something like that?” he asked disbelieving. “Have - have you looked at yourself?”

“I ... I’ve never made an female effort before and … and you don’t have to undress me, if you don’t like it. I … I don’t mind …”

Crowley shushed her forcefully. “A … Angel! You are beautiful no matter what effort you make. I will always love you. Male, female … I couldn’t care less. As long as it is you who’s with me.” Crowley leaned back over Aziraphale, looking directly into her eyes. “And as I told you before, you look divine. I’ll devour you whole. Take off this offending piece of clothing and let me show you how beautiful you are.” Crowley let his hands slide back over Aziraphale’s legs, rubbing them in a calming manner. “That is, when you want it.” He took Aziraphale’s left hand in his, bringing it to his lips and breathed a kiss to the angel’s ringfinger, which made Aziraphale gasp loudly.

“Yes,” Aziraphale agreed, nodding heavily. “Oh Crowley, yes!”

Crowley hid his smile in the palm of Aziraphale’s hand. He gave her a moment to reconsider, and when she didn’t change her mind, he helped her sit up. His hand were still gliding over her leg and on his next upstroke he moved the shift with it. Aziraphale lifted her arms so he was able to remove the last piece of clothing that shielded her from his eyes.  
Aziraphale tried to cover herself with her hands and arms, but Crowley wouldn’t have any of it. He took back Aziraphale’s hands in his, holding them close to his chest, so he could take in her beautiful appearance.  
She was soft in every aspect of the word, and sometimes she wasn’t able to turn down the nasty words the other angels said to her. That she shouldn’t sully the temple of her human body with things like food or alcohol, and that she should watch her weight, maybe even lose some pounds.

“You look marvelous,” Crowley breathed against her lips when he crowded back into her personal space, making her lay back in the pillows. “Oh, I will make you feel so good, Angel. Promise!”

Crowley let go of her hands now, starting to roam them over her naked body. His palms felt hot against her body already, but it was nothing compared to the feeling that spread through her body when Crowley started to kiss every inch of her.  
Aziraphale could feel the wet arousal between her legs, and that was something new. She had never experienced something similar before. The heat between her legs started to spread through her, making her moan and gasp at every single touch from Crowley, making her writhing under his caring touches.

When his lips closed around one of her nipples, she couldn’t hold back any longer. She needed to touch him so badly and Aziraphale burrowed her fingers in Crowley’s dark locks, trying to hold him at the place that made her feel so warm inside.  
Crowley let his hand glide lower, over her stomach, her hips, ghosting slightly over the smooth skin of her inner thighs.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale gasped when he moved it upwards, his fingers touching her most intimate place slightly.

“Ssshhh, Angel. It’s alright,” he whispered against her breast. “I will make you feel good. Do you want that, Angel? Not knowing who and where you are anymore. I’ll make you forget everything.”

Crowley placed one last kiss on Aziraphale’s bosom before he turned his head, placing it on her chest so he could see what he did with his fingers.  
Aziraphale gasped again, when the tips of Crowley’s fingers slid into her. It was strange at first, never had anyone touched her there, not even herself. Aziraphale’s hand closed around Crowley’s other arm and he looked up at her, eyes meeting.

“Alright, Angel?” he asked.

For a moment Aziraphale really thought about it. Was she alright? How did she feel about the intrusion? It wasn’t the first time they had sex, far from it, but it was new. A new body, all those new feelings and sensations.  
Aziraphale only needed a bit to adjust.

“Angel?”

Crowley had pulled back and his face now hovered over Aziraphale’s.

“It’s okay, dear,” she said, voice still a bit unsteady. “It’s just different to my usual body.”

Crowley nodded in understanding. He had presented as female sometimes through the ages, so he knew what Aziraphale was experiencing. “Don’t worry, Dove. It’s different, but also very good.” Slowly Crowley placed himself over her, kissing Aziraphale tenderly, while his hand slid back between her legs, one finger slowly entering her vagina. “Just let me know if something feels off, okay?” he said between kisses and Aziraphale nodded quickly. “Okay,” Crowley breathed against her lips, while his fingers stimulated her.

Aziraphale was lost in the sensations of her body. The waves of pleasure coursing through her veins, Crowley’s lips on hers and all over her body, the warmth of his skin against hers, his weight upon her.  
A small whimper escaped her, when Crowley inserted a second finger. Aziraphale searched for Crowley’s hand and intertwined their fingers, holding onto them for dear life.

“Relax, Angel,” he said in a soothing voice.

“Crowley,” she breathed against his lips. “Crowley please!”

“Please what, Angel? What do you need. Use your words.”

Aziraphale looked up at Crowley, his own want and desire written all over his face, but apparently holding himself back on her behalf.

“You … need you … inside me … now!”

“Aziraphale,” Crowley moaned at her words. “Sure you’re ready?”

Aziraphale gave him a stern look, which made him smile. “‘course you are. Give me a hand?”

Very carefully Crowley removed his hands from Aziraphale’s vagina, to grab her hand and guide it into his trousers were she could feel his hard cock. That was something Aziraphale was familiar with, and it made her throb with want.

“Get rid of those drawers … now,” she demanded with an urgent tone in her voice.

“I love it when you get bossy, Angel,” Crowley chuckled.

He kissed her passionately once more, and sat up to remove his pants. The piece of clothing hadn’t even hit the floor, when Crowley was pulled back by Aziraphale and he settled between her legs.

“Tell me to stop and I will. Okay?”

Crowley traced his fingers over her cheek, Aziraphale turning her head and placing a soft kiss on the inside of his wrist before she nodded, and Crowley started to push in slowly. He watched every move on Aziraphale’s face, watching if she was uncomfortable or in pain, placing featherlight kisses on her face.  
Aziraphale held his look until he was fully inside her.

“I love you, Angel. I love you so much.”

She placed her hands on his upper arms, holding Crowley close, when he started to move. Aziraphale wrapped her legs around his hips, to bring him closer. He placed his hands next to her head and his fingers traced her hair, and the outlines of her face.  
Aziraphale let her hands glide higher, interlacing them in his neck, bringing Crowley’s face closer to hers. She leaned Crowley’s forehead against hers, their breath mingling between them, and she couldn’t resist to kiss him again. He was like one of the drugs humans used to get high, and Crowley was definitely hers. She would never get tired of kissing him, of tasting him on her tongue.

When they broke apart, Crowley paused for a moment, letting his cheek resting against Aziraphale’s before he let his lips wander again. Peppering Aziraphale’s cheeks with kisses, placing kisses on her neck, the small hollow between her collarbones, between her breasts.  
Aziraphale closed her eyes at his ministrations, enjoying them immensely.  
Crowley was a sublime creature, and there was so much that he kept from others.  
But not her.  
Never Aziraphale.  
To her he was like an open book. A treasure she had to keep safe. A love she would cherish to the end of the world, and beyond.

Crowley’s movements became more erratic and Aziraphale wasn’t able to hold back her moans anymore. He pushed one of his arms under Aziraphale’s lower back and a small shout escaped her as he entered her even deeper.  
She placed a hand over her mouth, embarrassed by her own behaviour, but Crowley nudged her hand with his nose.

“Don’t … don’t do that, Angel. I love to hear you … please …”

Crowley sounded wrecked, and Aziraphale whimpered against his lips when she moved her hand away. Crowley laced his fingers in Aziraphale’s golden locks and kissed her senseless.

“I want to hear you. Everything - every little sound.” Crowley emphasised his words with shallow movements of his hips, making the drag of his cock inside Aziraphale longer and more pleasurable for her. “You look so good, Aziraphale … feeling even better. So ready for me, so wet,” Crowley moaned. “You’d look so good with my children … big belly and glowing from the pregnancy …”

Aziraphale’s eyes went wide at Crowley’s words, feeling a hot rush of arousal running through her body. His words drove her mad with want. And alone the image of having Crowley’s babies, growing big with them …

“Oh … oh dear,” Aziraphale groaned as she felt a warmth spreading low in her belly.

Crowley’s kisses became more frantic, his thrusts began to lose their rhythm the closer he got to his orgasm. Aziraphale pulled him closer with her hands still around his neck.

“Come … make me yours Crowley … let me feel how much you love me.”

With a choked off moan Crowley came inside of Aziraphale. She held him close, finger caressing the short hair in his nape, while Crowley slowly regained his composure.   
When he pulled back, kissing Aziraphale, she gave a small whimper making her disapproval known.

“I’ll make you feel good, just a moment,” Crowley whispered against her lips before he moved down her body.

Aziraphale raised her head, the question what Crowley was doing already on her lips, when he licked over her labia. With a loud moan she sank back into the pillows, hands pressed against her face, body moving against Crowley’s face, her thighs nearly crushing Crowley’s head.

“D - dear,” Aziraphale gasped, as his tongue pushed between her lips, circling her clitoris. “Crowley,” she nearly shouted, making him stop and looking up at her.

“Is it too much? Shall I stop?” 

Aziraphale’s eyes widened and a shocked ‘no!’ left her mouth. “Just … a little harder, dearest.”

Crowley gave her a smile, placing a tender kiss on her thigh, and he went back to work.  
It felt so … so different from what she was used too, but oh so good.  
Crowley grabbed her hand, holding it tight, his other hand playing with her breast, while he pleased her with his tongue, alternating between sucking her tender little nub or licking and pressing against it.  
When Aziraphale finally came, a hot warm wave ran through her body, giving her a feeling like she was floating, and Crowley licked her through it, until she pushed his head away, being far too overwhelmed and sensitive by it. Crowley kissed his way back over her body to her face, unable to resist those soft lips of Aziraphale.

Aziraphale felt drained, but in a good way, and tired, and overwhelmed by her feelings. She let herself be manhandled by Crowley, who pulled back the blankets and lying down next to Aziraphale. He pulled her close, nuzzling his nose against her temple and pulling the covers back, covering them underneath. She tucked herself into his side, her head lying on his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat.  
They lay there in silence for a short while, basking in each others presence until Aziraphale couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Did you mean it?” she asked.

“Hmm?” he asked, as he kissed the top of her head, his thumb trailing idly patterns on her shoulder.

“What - what you said about … about the babies …” Aziraphale trailed off.

Not sure if it just had been some pillow talk or if Crowley had really meant it. It would be alright with her if he didn’t mean it, but Aziraphale needed to know.   
Crowley turned onto his side, placing his arm under Aziraphale’s head, so he could look her in the eyes. It was heartwarming how honest his eyes were without his glasses, how he didn’t care to shield his emotions from her.  
Crowley pulled up the blanket, covering them completely, shielding them from the prying eyes of the world.

“Would you like it?” he asked, his voice uncertain.

Aziraphale gave a short nod without hesitation. “Yes, I would love too. If the times were different, and I knew that we would be absolutely safe from Heaven and Hell, I wouldn’t think twice.” Aziraphale placed her hand on Crowley’s cheek. “I love you, my foul fiend. And I wouldn’t change it even if it meant I would fall.” Crowley’s eyes went wide at her last words, but Aziraphale simply smiled. “I won’t fall, because you love me too, dearest. And I promise you, one day when we are free, I’ll happily become your spouse and carry your children under my heart and raise them with you.” Crowley’s eyes filled with tears and Aziraphale tucked his face against her chest. “One day I’ll give birth to your child, my dear boy,” she whispered into Crowley’s ear, who shivered violently against her.  
“Just imagine how good I would look with a big round baby belly. And you …” She kissed the top of his head. “You would take such good care of me. I wouldn’t miss a thing, you would know my wishes and cravings long before even I would know them. Wouldn’t you, darling?”

“Hnngh … I … Angel!” Crowley growled against her chest.

“And I’d be so needy for you, Crowley. Wanting to be loved by you, again and again and again.”

“Angel,” he said again, voice deep with want and desire.

Crowley pushed himself up, rolled Aziraphale on her front, moving between her thighs and he slid inside her with one push. Aziraphale moaned shamelessly, because that was exactly what she wanted.  
Always.  
Forever.

Crowley placed his lips over Aziraphale’s pulsepoint, biting down hard on the sensitive spot, leaving a dark bruise on her skin in the shape of his teeth, which made Aziraphale gasp loudly.  
It was one of those things she enjoyed most when she was with Crowley: him being possessive.

Crowley grabbed Aziraphale by her hips, fingers digging into her soft flesh and lifting her hips a bit. Every pound was hard and rough and Aziraphale’s fingers clenched in the sheets beneath her, moaning Crowley’s name hotly into the pillows.

“You have no idea … no idea what you are doing to me, Angel. Talking like that,” he growled in her ear and Aziraphale turned her head, kissing him fiercely.

Crowley let his hand glide down, stimulating her clitoris with his fingers in time with his thrusts, and Aziraphale felt ecstatic, moving her hips back against him. She felt her orgasm approaching much faster than before and she came with a hoarse scream, shaking through it and feeling Crowley stilling behind her, snarling into her neck, making Aziraphale shiver. 

Crowley turned them onto their sides, holding Aziraphale close to his chest. He stayed inside her, holding his release inside her, one of his hands placed on her belly.   
A weird feeling coursed through Aziraphale at this display of affection.

“You promise to give it another thought, if we should ever be free, Angel?” Crowley asked, his voice muffled against her neck.

She placed her hand over Crowley’s. “I promise,” she sighed happily, basking in the blissful post-orgasmic haze.

****

~*~

They stayed in the room as long as possible.  
And when they weren’t able to delay their parting any longer the next morning, Crowley helped Aziraphale to get dressed again.  
Her dearest last kiss held all the despair and longing he felt.

“We’ll see each other soon,” Aziraphale promised, letting her hand glide over Crowley’s arm. “Don’t forget me.”

Crowley made a miserable sound. “Hnngk … how could I? As long as I’ll live, I’ll remember you, cherish you, hold you in my heart. Promise me to stay safe, Angel.”

“I do,” Aziraphale said earnest.


	2. Chapter 01

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley & Aziraphale start to come to terms with things after the avoided Armageddon.
> 
> new tags for this chapter:  
> emotinal hurt; PTSD Crowley; caring Aziraphale; talking about the future; angst with happy ending; non-binary Aziraphale; they/them pronouns for Aziraphale; getting married

**Chapter 01**

The dinner at the Ritz had been lovely.  
They had celebrated their cunning plan and how well it had worked, the fact that they had survived, that they had saved the earth from destruction and that they would be able to protect it as long as they were alive.

Crowley walked his angel back to the bookshop. While Aziraphale walked inside the shop, completely unperturbed, Crowley had to stop right outside the door.  
He still could feel the flames that had eaten away the most precious things from Aziraphale.  
He still felt the fire, the flames licking on his skin, the panic rising within him as he thought that Aziraphale was still inside. The despair he felt when he wasn’t able to sense his angel, not being able to find his love in the shop.  
The big emptiness he felt when he thought Aziraphale was dead.  
The immense relief when he had learned, only a few hours later, that Aziraphale had been discorporated, and that they still had a chance together.

Crowley was pulled back into reality when Aziraphale’s hand closed around his wrist, his eyes full of concern. Crowley let out the breath he had been holding through his nose and gave Aziraphale an unsteady smile. Aziraphale let his hand glide down and interlaced his fingers with Crowley’s, guiding him inside the bookshop.  
Aziraphale turned to close the door behind them before he led Crowley through the rows of shelves, to a door at the back of the shop. Crowley had never been there before, and his heart was beating so fast in his chest right now. Aziraphale had never taken him up the stairs to his flat, and it was such a big step in their relationship, for Aziraphale, and it scared Crowley more than anything ever before.  
Of course he loved Aziraphale, more than the world itself. And they were finally free to do as they pleased. But what when they couldn’t stand it to be in each other’s company permanently?  
He walked after his angel like in some kind of trance, down the hallway, up the stairs, into the small flat, where Aziraphale led Crowley into the living room.

“Take a seat,” Aziraphale offered. “Can I get you something? Wine maybe, or some scotch?”

Crowley blinked at Aziraphale, who looked up at him with a happy expression on his face. Far happier than Crowley had seen him in years. After this day he was, indeed, in need of something stronger.

“Scotch,” Crowley answered. “Thank you, Angel.”

Aziraphale gestured to the comfortable looking couch in the middle of the room, and he let go of Crowley’s hand. Crowley felt cold without the angel’s touch immediately, so he walked to the couch and sat down. Crowley placed his arms on the backrest, lounging on the furniture like he always did, and started to take in his surroundings, letting his eyes roam over the things that Aziraphale had gathered in this room.  
It was far from what Crowley had imagined Aziraphale’s flat to be. It was neat and clean, but it looked well lived in. Small trinkets were placed over the whole place that Aziraphale had collected over his time on earth. Small cups, pictures, statuary. His eyes drifted back to the table in front of him when his eyes caught sight of a bottle. Crowley rose from his place and walked over to the glass cabinet. His heart stopped beating for a moment as he placed his fingers on the glass.

“You kept it,” Crowley spoke softly as he felt Aziraphale stopping right beside him, Crowley’s eyes still on the wine bottle.

“I did,” his angel agreed.

Aziraphale handed Crowley his drink, who took it with his free hand.

“Why?” Crowley asked after his first sip, side glancing at Aziraphale who had cradled his own glass between his hands.

Aziraphale’s look lay longingly on the bottle, safe behind the glass. He turned his head and his eyes met with Crowley’s. 

“I might have been a bit sentimental after that night. You gave me everything and you made me feel things I’ve never felt before. You made me feel beautiful, Crowley, perfect even …” 

Aziraphale trailed off, looking as insecure as he had done back then in his new body. Crowley removed his hand from the glass, placing it carefully on Aziraphale’s cheek.

“You’re always perfect, Angel. No matter what. I will always love you, understood?”

Aziraphale looked at Crowley with pure adoration written all over his face. Crowley placed a small kiss on Aziraphale’s forehead and led him back to the sofa, where he slouched back into the soft pillows, petting the spot next to himself for Aziraphale to sit down. The angel sat down, his glass still cradled between his hands.

“Was it really that special to you? That night?” Crowley asked because he couldn’t think of any reason why it should have been.

Aziraphale seemed to think about it for a moment before they nodded. “It was. We hadn’t seen each other in nearly thirty years. We had talked, sure, we also had been writing, but we hadn’t had a moment to ourselves. And … and I had decided to have a female body as well. I didn’t know how you would react to it. I was afraid you would walk out on me because you wouldn’t like it.” Aziraphale turned his head to Crowley, giving him a big happy smile and Crowley’s breath caught in his throat. “But you did no such thing, my dear. You showed me once more how you think of me, that you think of me as beautiful in every way. You always have, since the day we met.” Aziraphale placed his tumbler on the table before he took Crowley’s hand in his. “And that’s why I love you. More than anything. You always accepted me the way I am. You never wanted me to change, lose weight or become a warrior again. You protected me with your life. You did so today and always placed my life before yours, you defended me against my own kin. Anthony J. Crowley, I love you with all my heart and all my being.”

Aziraphale leaned over and kissed a very dumbfounded demon square on the mouth. When they separated again, Crowley watched Aziraphale, shaking his head in disbelief.  
He’d never heard Aziraphale talk so openly about his feelings for him. Sure, he had confessed his love to him during passionate hours, but never out of them. And it made Crowley feel many things at once: happiness, love, adoration, pride because Aziraphale finally overcame his own fears, relief because they were finally able to spend eternity together, anticipation for their upcoming future, the opportunities they now had together.  
Crowley tightened his grip on Aziraphale and pulled him in for another kiss.

“You are the most precious being on this planet to me,” Crowley whispered against Aziraphale’s lips, who gave Crowley another smile.

“I suppose I am,” he answered cheekily “And now I can be with you forever. The world is our playground now.”

Crowley shook his head again and chuckled. “I guess we can do whatever we want, Angel.”

Aziraphale nodded and moved closer to Crowley, so he could lean against him. Crowley placed his arm around Aziraphale, pulling him in and nuzzling his nose against the angel’s soft curls.  
Aziraphale made a happy sigh and leaned against him, his hands folded in front of him, his eyes closed and he was breathing easily. Crowley let himself drift off for a bit himself, enjoying the warmth radiating from Aziraphale and he curled his arm closer around his angel.

“We are finally free,” Aziraphale sighed after a while and Crowley hummed in agreement.

Aziraphale was right, they were free, everything they’d ever dreamt about was within reach and so close to them. All they had to do was reach out and grab it.  
Aziraphale snapped his fingers and the bottle appeared in his hands. He let his thumb glide over the yellowed label.

“You remember that night?” Aziraphale asked, his head turning to Crowley.

“‘course Angel! How could I ever forget that?”

“Do you remember the promise I gave you?” Crowley looked at him, eyebrow raised.

“Promise? I don’t know if I remember correctly. Mind to refresh my memory, Angel?”

Aziraphale gave him a secretive smile before he placed the bottle on the table and turned his full attention to Crowley. “That night you said something to me, that you’ve never said before. Something that was on my mind ever since. You … you said that I’d look good with your children, big belly and glowing from being pregnant with your babies.”

Crowley blushed hard at Aziraphale retelling his exact words from that night. “Hnngk … y - yeah … think I said that.”

“And when I asked you if you’d meant your words, you asked me if I would like it, and I said …”

“You said _‘Yes, I would love too. If the times were different and I knew that we would be absolutely safe from Heaven and Hell, I wouldn’t hesitate for a single moment.’_ That’s what you said, Angel. And if I remember correctly you called me _‘your foul fiend’_ as well.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “That, I did indeed. You were, and still are, _my_ foul fiend. I promised to be yours. To carry your children, and if you still want that, I want it too. I don’t say that I am not afraid of our respective sides, but I am not afraid of showing my feelings for you anymore, and I want to show the world that I am yours.”

Crowley’s heart swelled with so much love for his angel. He always had admired Aziraphale for his bravery and his compassion. He’d also understood and honored Aziraphale’s hesitancy and his decision to wait until they were safe, that Aziraphale had been afraid on his behalf too, and saved his life as well.

“So, what do you suggest, Angel? Shall we get married then, make it official? Move in together? Start a family on our own? I like your flat, has a nice homey touch …” Crowley stopped his rambling when Aziraphale looked at him, curiosity shining in his eyes.

“I’d say yes to all of it, but I am not sure if this is what you want, Crowley.”

Crowley started to think over his words for the first time. He’d never considered his words before he had spoken them, they came out of his mouth before he his brain was able to catch up.

“I want it too, Angel,” he sighed. “But we don’t have to pressure anything now. We are free, we have time. Maybe we should take small steps, one at a time. What do you think?”

Aziraphale leaned his head back against Crowley’s shoulder and smiled at him.  
He did that a lot today, and it made Crowley uneasy after all that he had seen in Heaven this morning. This bastard angels would have killed Aziraphale without a trial, just for the simple fact that he had avoided the war with Crowley’s help, and that he was friends with him.  
And once more Crowley had saved their life without really thinking about it.  
He could have lost Aziraphale today forever.

Aziraphale turned to him when he felt him going rigid. “What is bothering you, my dear?” he asked, eyebrows pinched together in worry.

Crowley removed his sunglasses and threw them onto the table, being angry with himself for worrying Aziraphale so much.

“It’s nothing, Angel. Really, don’t mind me. It’s just been a long day.”

Aziraphale looked up at him, hurt clear in his eyes. “I don’t like it when you lie to me, darling. You can be honest with me, always. If you don’t feel like sharing right now, that’s fine with me. Just tell me when you are ready, alright?”

Now Crowley felt even worse than before, and he placed his free hand over his face. He tried to compose himself, but that was easier said than done. “It’s … it’s this day. It was so intense, Aziraphale. I’ve been to Heaven for the first time since my Fall. Nothing has changed, they are still dickheads up there … and I thought that I might see Her, but She was absent - like she has been ever since. And those bloody archangels … they wanted to kill you without a trial. All Gabriel did was throw insults at you and my hands itched to get his head between my fingers and to crush his skull … to make him suffer for all the things he did to you. For every time he made you feel uncomfortable in your own body. I wanted to kill him, Aziraphale … all of them. But I didn’t because you’d never do that to them. You’ve always been kind to all of those bastards, regardless how much they had hurt you.” Crowley let out a frustrated groan. “You deserve so much more, Angel. They should all bow to you, bend their knees and try to live up to your standards. Your kindness, your love for everyone should be their ultimate goal! And when a demon is able to do so, they should follow my lead …”

Aziraphale stopped him with a finger on his lips. “You give me too much credit, my love. I am far from perfect and I am not as good as you see me. I have my flaws, Crowley. I swear, I am decadent and a hedonist, I lied … sometimes I don’t even know who I am or what I am. It’s lovely of you to see me that way, but if I’d be a single one of those things you claim I am, I’d never be here with you. I would probably never have fallen in love with you. And that’s a thought I can’t bear. I love you more than anything and I’d rather be in Heaven’s bad books, or fall, than spend a single day without you. So please, for my love to you … please move in with me, become my husband, and let us make some babies.”

Crowley was speechless again, and he made some stuttering noises while he looked at Aziraphale who was giving him a serious stare.

“Wha … Who … what do you mean with _‘you don’t know who or what I am’_ , Angel? You are the Principality Aziraphale, leader of a legion of angel’s and the protector of the Eastern gate of the garden of Eden. You are my love, my life … how could you not know that?”

Aziraphale’s eyes moved down, looking at the folded hands in his lap. “That’s not what I meant, Crowley.” 

Aziraphale’s voice was low and Crowley could see Aziraphale’s fingers twitching, like they always did when he was nervous. Crowley wanted to ask what Aziraphale had meant, what he tried to say but he didn’t want to pester him. He wanted to give Aziraphale the time to find the right words. And so he patiently waited, letting his thumb glide over the angel’s side.

“It’s … I don’t know how to explain it,” Aziraphale sighed frustrated, his hands balling into fists, so Crowley squeezed his side encouragingly. 

“Just try it, Angel. I’m sure I’ll understand.”

Aziraphale glanced up at Crowley, who gave him a soft smile. 

“I … since that night,” Aziraphale gestured at the wine bottle on the table, and Crowley nodded because of course it had to do something with that night. “Ever since I didn’t know who I am sometimes. I always showed male features, feeling safe with them as it was the body I was given from Her. But after I’ve been a woman … I don’t know. Sometimes I still feel like my old self, sometimes I don’t feel anything at all. But if I had to choose, I think I’d rather have a female effort or none at all.” Aziraphale turned his head towards Crowley. “I … I think there’s something seriously wrong with me, Crowley. That’s not how I am supposed to feel, or even think! I should be thankful for what I have, and not want to change it! This isn’t right, Crowley.”

Crowley had been listening quietly to Aziraphale’s explanation with astonishment and disbelief.  
Sure, they’d never talked about genders before. And Crowley liked to change his gender from time to time, but he knew who he really was. But Crowley never had an idea that Aziraphale felt so conflicted about himself.

“Angel,” he started softly, moving his hand from Aziraphale’s side into his hair, fingers carding through it. “Angel, there’s nothing wrong with you. You are perfect as you are. It’s normal, for everyone, to doubt themselves from time to time …”

“But you never doubted yourself after you changed your whole being. You’ve been Nanny Ashtoreth for so many years and you were able to simply switch back to … to this body. To your normal self!”

Crowley dragged Aziraphale towards him and pressed his lips against his temple. “What is actually normal, Angel? We don’t apply to those norms, never have. And if you feel unsure or insecure with your body, and I suppose with your sexuality as well, we can talk about it. I’ll always accept you because we both don’t apply to the human established standards.” Crowley placed another kiss on Aziraphale's forehead. “And I don’t know why I am able to switch back and forth so easily. It’s just a part of who I am, and you never cared about it, did you?”

Aziraphale shook his head, moving even closer to Crowley. “So you don’t mind?”

“How could I, Angel? It's still you, we are talking about. You had this corporation for 6000 years. You have been loyal to Her since your first day. Of course you can’t change that fast. It’ll need time to adjust … But first you should tell me how you want to be addressed.”

“Addressed?” Aziraphale looked at him in confusion.

Crowley let out a quiet sigh. “Oh Angel. I think there’s a lot I have to explain to you. How about we make some tea and get some snacks, and then I’ll start to explain everything to you. Okay?”

Aziraphale nodded and kissed Crowley again. “Of course, darling.”

**~*~**

While preparing the tea they had talked about lighter topics and some wonderful encounters of their past, such as their meeting in Egypt while the pyramids had been built or the brief encounter in Greece, where they had too much wine and the night had ended with them making out for the first time ever.  
Aziraphale had blushed beautifully at the memory, Crowley smiling fondly at him. His angel had been so wonderful that night, attentive and very responding to his touches. Never had Crowley thought that this would end with them being together nearly 4000 years later, being in love with each other and planning their lives together.

When they sat back on the sofa, Crowley felt more comfortable with discussing this subject with Aziraphale. The angel sat next to him, his fingers fidgeting again and Crowley sighed.

“So,” Crowley started. “Firstly I want to tell you again, that there’s nothing wrong with you, Angel. I know that you are aware that there are more than two genders, more than one sexual orientation. But I also get that it might be a bit difficult for you to understand all of it. We were created by Her without having an effort. I know from very reliable sources that many angels and demons decide to keep it that way forever. Others decide to have a gender. Some of them decide to be male, some to be female, and others decide to be in between. As for that I assume you are somewhere _in between_. Which is totally fine, Angel,” Crowley reassured him again. “From my own experience I also know that Heaven doesn’t encourage angels to ask questions, that you aren’t allowed to be yourself. After I became a demon I was more free with it, I was able to explore things and to decide what I liked and what I didn’t like. We were allowed to wear suits, dresses, togas. We were allowed to be dames, knights, wily old serpents.” Aziraphale had been listening very closely to his explanation, and chuckled at Crowley’s last words, which made him smile in return.  
“We were allowed to be whatever we liked to be. And so are you now, Angel. No one knows you better than you. You are in charge of your own identity. Gender isn’t exclusively male or female. Non-binary people may feel some mix of both, male and female, somewhere in between or something completely different. You don’t have to put a label on as what you identify, Angel. As long as you can be yourself and feel comfortable with, it is alright. Okay?”

Aziraphale seemed to think about it for a moment before he nodded slowly. “I think I understand what you are trying to tell me. And I believe that you are right. But … you said something about ‘being addressed’. What did you mean by that?”

“Oh yeah … means that some people like to be addressed as ‘he/him’ or ‘she/her’, but there’s also the option to use more neutral pronouns like ‘they/them’. You are allowed to tell people how you’d like to be addressed, and also tell them if they address you wrong. Most people will accept that, but as usual there will be those who won’t. You should just ignore them, or send them to hell for that matter.”

Aziraphale clicked his tongue in disagreement on Crowley’s statement and gave him serious glance, but otherwise he was very quiet, thinking about the things Crowley just told him. Crowley pulled his tea to himself and sipped on it, while he lounged back on the sofa, and letting Aziraphale dwell in his own thoughts. He really hoped that he was able to help his angel.  
It didn’t take long and Aziraphale slumped against his side, snuggling close and letting a hand rest on his thigh. Crowley placed his arm around Aziraphale’s shoulder and held him close.  
They sat there in silence for a while. Crowley dozed off again, as it had been a very long day indeed, and he was very tired. And Aziraphale’s body was warm and soft against his, and he felt safe with the angel, knowing deep down in his heart that Aziraphale would always protect him.

“Darling,” Aziraphale’s soft voice pulled him out of his slumber. 

“Wha’s it?” Crowley mumbled against Aziraphale’s hair.

“I think … would it be okay for you to use neutral pronouns for me?”

Crowley opened one eye and looked down at Aziraphale, who was gazing up at him. “‘course, Angel. No problem at all. Whatever you like best, just let me know.”

Aziraphale made a happy noise and cuddled even closer to Crowley, wrapping their arms around Crowley’s middle, their head resting on his chest. The demon pulled up a blanket and covered his love underneath it. 

“May I ask you a question as well, Angel?”

“Of course, dear.”

“Did you mean it? That we should move in together? Here? This is your flat, Angel, and I don’t want to intrude.”

Aziraphale gave him a loving smile. “I would love it, if you’d move in here with me. My flat is big enough for the both of us. And we always could miracle it bigger when the babies are here, and they need their own rooms. Or we could move into your flat as well. I wouldn’t mind that either. I want you to feel at home as well.”

Crowley gave them another kiss on top of their head. “My home is with you, Aziraphale. I’ll be wherever you are.”

Aziraphale hummed and was quiet again for some time. “Then I want to move to Mayfair with you, dear. I like the view and your plants are there. And I could walk to the book shop every morning, don’t you think?”

When Aziraphale suggested his flat, Crowley’s heart made a little jump. Of course he would alter his flat to Aziraphale’s liking. He could add additional rooms for their books, a nursery for if they had children.  
Children … Crowley still couldn’t believe that this dream of his might become reality.

“Y - yeah … all you want, Angel. It shall be yours.”

“Good.” 

Aziraphale hummed happily and Crowley wasn’t able to understand how this was his life now. How he deserved to be this lucky. How it was possible that Aziraphale and he finally could be together. Deep down he still felt sceptical.

“Tell me I am not dreaming, Angel. Tell me that this is real and that you are finally mine, that you’ll never go away without me,” Crowley whispered against Aziraphale’s hair. “And if this is a dream, I never want to wake up again. I’d want to sleep forever, just to have you.”

Aziraphale stayed close to him for a few moments, hugging him tightly before they sat up and looked at Crowley with a serious expression on their beautiful face.

“Crowley, dear,” Aziraphale started, taking his hands in theirs. “I promise that you aren’t dreaming, and that this is real. I have always been yours, And I promise to you that I’ll never leave you alone again. I will stand with you no matter what. I will love you even on the days I don’t like you. I will support you, respect you. I will try to think less of what I want and more about what you want. I will love going through eternity with you.” Crowley gaped at his angel, as they removed their pinky ring, and carefully took Crowley’s left hand in theirs. “I belonged to you from the day we met, darling. And I will be yours forever, and neither God nor Satan, not any angel or demon in between can ever change that.” They slid the ring on Crowley’s finger and lifted it to his lips afterwards, pressing a soft kiss to it. “I promised to become your spouse 200 years ago. And I’ll gladly do so now.”

Crowley stared at his finger and the ring on it, still held softly by Aziraphale. “Hnngk … Angel!” he sputtered, and Aziraphale smiled softly at him. “You … we … are we married now? But I don’t have a ring for you!”

Aziraphale lifted their hand and placed their fingers against his lips, chuckling quietly. “I dare hope so, Crowley. And I don’t need a ring. It’s just a human sentiment.”

But Crowley shook his head forcefully. “No … that won’t do. Either both of us, or no one.”

Crowley concentrated, closing his eyes, and searching his mind to find the ring he had found so many millenia back in Egypt. It was a simple thin band of gold in the form of a snake, and when Crowley had seen it, he had instantly thought of his angel.  
After he had found it, Crowley pulled it into existence and pushed it on Aziraphale’s left ring finger. It fit perfectly, just how Crowley had imagined it.

“Now, that’s much better,” he stated with a big grin on his face, as he watched the blush creeping on Azriaphale’s cheeks.

They lifted their hand from Crowley’s and examined the ring closely. “I know this one,” Aziraphale mumbled.

“Well … yeah … you were there with me when I bought it at this market in Egypt. Thought it would come in handy one day, and I guess today is that day. Don’t you agree, Angel?”

Aziraphale intertwined their hands and placed them on their thigh before snuggling closer to Crowley again. “Very handy indeed, my dearest.”

Crowley placed his free arm around Aziraphale’s shoulder, and held them close while he leaned back to relax again.  
When this day had started, he never would have expected an outcome like that. He would never have thought that they’d actually get their happy end. But here it was. This was the start of their new life together, and it was just going to be perfect. After all those millena Aziraphale was finally by his side and could stay there.  
Crowley smiled up at the ceiling.  
He could absolutely get used to this happiness. And everyone who tried to interfere, and try to destroy it, and who didn’t agree with him could gladly fuck off, thank you very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **COMIC TO THE RING SCENE**  
> 
> 
> [Part 01](https://www.instagram.com/p/B8kGGO3lM30/)
> 
> [Part 02](https://www.instagram.com/p/B9dDv5EFSfo/)


End file.
